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Sometimes I get a little lost.
And if I'm honest, sometimes more than a little.
My sense of direction has ranged from a bit off course to downright backwards. I take wrong turns, fail to yield, speed ahead. All this in my effort to make it from point A to point B.
I inevitably end up at point C way more than I would like to admit. Please understand that I was never going to be a point C kind of girl. I was going to never fight with my husband, never lose it with my kids, never cry myself to sleep, never eat ice cream from the carton and certainly never wonder, "Can I do this???"
Oh, and I was going to exercise every day. And have flawless skin. Exercise, great skin and kids who always ate their vegetables. That's what point B looked like. All just slighly out of reach for a point C girl.
I wish I could tell you about the sky-splitting moment when I let go of point B perfection. The day that I woke up all zen and self-actualized and completely comfortable in my own skin. Man, I really wish I could. But nothing in my life happens in a moment. Everything is a journey. Every step is wrapped in weeksmonthsyears.
I'm not really in love with this whole idea of journey. I still kind of crave the moments. But I'm getting there ...
I am learning, as my friend says, to embrace the journey.
Whatever it looks like. Whatever it feels like, it's mine.
I am learning to be present in the awful and the lovely.
I am learning to just show up. And that matters. It really does.
I am learning there is perfection to be found even in my mess. (And I'm not talking about the beautiful kind ...)
I am learning every fight is a chance to make up. Every cry is a chance to find comfort. Every "I'm sorry I lost it" is a chance to find grace. Every "Can I do this?" is a chance to discover that yes, I absolutely can.
I am making friends with who I am. I am learning me.
So these are my words. Welcome. They are a little piece of me. The off road and the on course. The whispers and the screams. The yes and the no. My words are my story. My story is my life. And my life is a little lost and found.